Archive | September, 2019

Adulterer #5 The day I set myself free…

25 Sep

62

The rain was loud, but not louder than my thoughts…it was Super Bowl Sunday 2018.

The call came in at 5 a.m.

Are you married?

Tears fell fast and I couldn’t stop them.

I wasn’t sure if it was the reality of where I was or if it was because I had to face it now or never.

I was married.

…yes, yes I am married.

The phone hung up and my heart broke. I got dressed and l left the house. I was back there, where I thought I belong. I was there..dirty. smelly, wet and broken.

He open the door and I came in…

I cried for over an hour.

My flesh was weak..but my spirit was set free.

My soul was now at peace.

I left my car running and I stood telling my soulmate that I loved him.

He was angry, but he loved me too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adulterer #4 …the day he wouldn’t let me leave.

25 Sep

10…the day he wouldn’t let me leave.

I was at his house, no sexual activity was going on…just laughter, love and long stares. He spoke to my soul when his mouth wouldn’t move. He ministered to my spirit when my flesh cried. He was my king, my lord…he knew me and the shift happened.  I had found my soul mate, well my soul mate found me…he came to rescue me, to capture me and set me free. I was fire burning that never consumed a thing, I was his spoon to his fork, his butter to his biscuit,  his beat to his broken heart. I was the softer side to him.

Our years of youth mirrored each other…God birthed us into mounds of pain and despair at birth. Our souls greeted each other at 13, but our spirits knew each other’s pain at birth…now in our 40’s, we connected on a level that shifted our lives to soon become 1. 1 was all it took, 1 moment,  1 encounter, 1 occasion,  and soon to be 1 flesh…

Yet, I was married…to the father of my 2 kids, but I was in love with a man that had 4 and he was in love with me too. I believe he never stop loving me. Everything in our lives were similar,  we said I do to the name of another but it wasn’t each other.

Mystical…

Adulterer #3 Where did he come from and how did he get here?

23 Sep

931Where did he come from and how did he get here? This was the question I had asked myself so many times which lead to the question of how did I even get here?  What had happen in a marriage that lasted over a decade to cause me to want more to desire more. I was a Christian woman with values, I knew the price I would pay for adultery…but I wanted more, much more.

I had spent moments, minutes, hours, days and weeks asking for the love that I desired and needed from my husband. We were in a place of complacency. We knew the details of each other’s lives..but we lacked the passion to be compassionate. We knew the desires of each other’s hearts…but we lacked the will to do. We were stuck.  We were parents of two children and we were stuck. Stuck in the routine and ritual of everyday living. We were stuck saying the same things, doing the same things and being in the same place.

But Him, he appeared on the scene nearly years prior. It was a simple Facebook message, just to say hello to me, nothing more, nothing less. Just a middle school reconnection of a good friend.

Years would pass and the hellos would be followed by, How are you? How is the family? What are you up to?  The banter was clean conversation, but the connection became spiritual.

 

 

Adulterer #2 The first visit…

23 Sep

96

#2

…I answered the phone to only listen to him breathe, I believe he inhaled as I exhaled and this became our rhythmic pattern night after night. We were in love. Everything slowed down, every moment was a new moment…a new memory.

The next day, I went to his house, but I knew I could not take this any further,  I was a married woman. I was at a crossroads,  what do I do next?

It was his eyes, he statue, his physique, his need to need me and desire me. I felt wanted again, alive again…I felt loved again.

I became his good “thang”…immediately showing him how to decorate his home, what to organize, I even moved a few things around…until the passion became to intense and I had to leave. It was time to go home.

I walked to my car thinking I should never go back,  however not knowing that I would never leave again soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adulterer #1 3 a.m.

22 Sep

98

#1

…the phone rung at a quarter to 3 a.m., wondering if my husband had heard the ring caused my heart to stop and bullets of sweat to leave my pours. I was exhausted from the mental agony of feeling like a prisoner in my own mind. My body was in bed with my husband, but my heart with in love with him.

Should I go or stay were the sounding words that gripped my heart, but my cup was running over and the need of a refill was burning at my reservoir.  I wanted more, much more and just the ringing of the phone raced my heart to fill the overflow that I was experiencing to no end. Was this the beginning of love again…everything within me knew this was wrong, but it felt so right. The internal conflict built a wall of shame and guilt that would cause me to travel down a road of one lie after another. It was me, I was doing what I never vowed to do.

I answered the phone hoping that my heart wasn’t as loud as my voice, I was in love but not with my husband.

I have a new book coming soon!

19 Sep

I have been working diligently to complete a new book and the excitement of completing it has been so amazingly fun.