Archive | October, 2019

365 days, 1 year…Time.

22 Oct

Time was all I had and all it took…. I was in love and love was in me. I gave my heart…my soul…my spirit.

It took one year…a divorce, a marriage and a divorce.

 

All I wanted was a kiss…

14 Oct

931

All I wanted was a kiss…one in the morning or one at night.

The reassurance of our commitment,  our love.

I just wanted a kiss to know that we were one. That we were okay. The only kiss was at I do. I never for another one…

…when the Life Coach needs a Life Coach.

14 Oct

07

I spent years helping other couples.  I would write books, speak at conferences,  do seminars,  you name it…I was that life coach of love and romance. Many relationships were healed because we were the examples,  the example needed an example.

…how do you teach someone else to forgive, but you couldn’t?

…how do you teach someone else to pray, but you refused?

What happens when the love you teach and preach, you couldn’t live?

…I the coach needed a coach.

…what happens when you put others in front of you!

13 Oct

98

I was the type of person that if you needed a coat, you could have mine.

Brand new…

My only one…

One of the kind…

Expensive…

I would give it all away!!!!

It was a lesson learned.  I depleted myself of joy, peace, happiness,  love, money… I depleted myself to help someone else heal, while I was yet ill.

I can remember sitting in my car one day after work, driving an hour and half to get home.

I was ill…

I was sad…

I was lonely…

I was alone…

Yet, I was a newlywed.

But what about my vows…what about for better or worst?

Yet, I left a marriage for this same reason…but this was worse.

The law of reciprocity..

13 Oct

96

The law of reciprocity….

I gave love, but I reaped hate.

I gave peace, but I reaped turmoil.

I gave hope, but I reaped despair.

I gave money, but I reaped debt.

I gave joy, but I reaped confusion.

I gave me, but received no one in return.

…then I gave it to God and He gave all that I gave back.

More than I can account for.

 

 

 

All I want to do is sit next to you…

13 Oct

71

There were so many moments, minutes and memories of just wanting to sit next to my husband at the time and enjoy his company.

I wanted to be held, cuddle and loved. I wasn’t his waste basket for a release. I was his wife and his friend. I felt that if I could sit next to him and he hold me that we could see the world from the same viewpoint.

He didn’t want to…he always told me that I was smoothing him. That I was a bother. These minutes, moments and memories killed my heart and left it empty.

The one I was falling in love with…is God.

12 Oct

07

The true description of love isn’t what we have thought of for years. Love is patient…it waits.

 

 

 

Why I wrote this book, the way I did…it didn’t happen overnight, it wasn’t a continuous story, it was a page turner….it was one moment after another moment.

12 Oct

37

One moment that lead to another  moment, another broken moment, to another broken moment.

It was moments like this that caused me to bleed red in my heart. He took the gentleness of my heart. I was in loved and I believe in him.

A bleeding heart show up everywhere and it stains. It also may bring a stench that is evident. My smile was only a disguise that hid the scars of my embedded frown.

My only way out was to get right and to write…

12 Oct

44I had to get myself together.  There was no other way around it. My entire life depended upon me living a life that pleased God.  What was born in sin, remain sinful and it only birthed more sin.

I remember one day praying on my knees in agony for change. Change that I believe would take place in the marriage, change that would lead to him loving me more, him being nice to me, or even him being a great husband.

That wasn’t the change…it was all pain and doubt, hurt, fear and yet I loved because I am an empath.

 

My journey towards greatness…this day is called Landing.

10 Oct

71I didn’t realize this book would create so much controversy, but it did.

Yet…I decided not to run away from conflict and pain and just be me…

I did all I did for love, but it was my love that took my heart on a roller coaster ride that I am now landing from.

Landing…what does that look like.

Tears,  pain, joy, peace, love, patience,  passion, rest, me, God…. I am now landing.

But in the landing…the turbulence can be fierce and challenging.

God protected my heart…he allowed it to heal in the closure process.