This made me laugh…

21 May

I should have known when they talked about his brother’s wife…

12 Apr

I should have known when they talked about his brother wife that something was wrong.  The most that I would hear about his brother’s wife was that she was sick, she doesn’t work and that she was homely. It sounded strange to me for the duration of time being with him, but looking back I knew in my heart something was wrong.  Where did this sickness come from…what was wrong with the generational paths of the people I was around. I know it was their way of sugarcoating the truth…the truth that would be told one day, somehow…

…when the weight gain became stress weight.

11 Apr

Who knew 365 later, I would be trying to become me again. I am now starting to recognize my hair, skin, teeth and nails.

I lost all of those things…they didn’t die or become unseen, they were damaged because I was damaged.

Now, everything is living again and growing.

365 days later…I am living again.

This didn’t happen until I paid off debts, I forgave myself and mostly I forgave others.

My flashbacks keep me grateful…

11 Apr

I can remember speaking to his children’s mother and hearing the pain that was buried in her heart. She was bruised with a scar that will never healed, because she bore his children and the pain that he was punishing her with lasted not just moments, but days…years.

I don’t celebrate in her pain…but it could have been me and the lifetime children would have brought would have killed me.

Today…it was all I could appreciate and enjoy!

7 Apr

Oftentimes, I would desire to go back or push forward…but I had to learn to just enjoy and embrace the moment at hand.  God wouldn’t allow me to dwell on the past long or even see into the future clear…I had to see the moment for what it is.

The moment was all I had and all I could deal with. This moment and nothing else.

A prayer during a Pandemic.

3 Apr

I just published the first episode of my new podcast! Listen to Prayer With Dr. Gretchen on Anchor

Broken glass and empty plates…

25 Mar

I can remember moving, running, escaping…everything in me thought what the hell did you do.

It was a big set up, it was a plot to kill me. My burial would have been my fault…that is what the story that would have been told. Everyone around me was the victim.

The cable…

The gas….

The house…

The rent…

The food …

….they were ploys used as lies to feed his story. Yet, the truth was only believable to the true heart of a real person….not the toy puppets he created.

Funny thing, his ex wife told me he did her the same way. Cycle of a user, a mass manipulator.

…when 365 days became a year to remember.

25 Mar

…nothing like getting back to me. My home, my kids, my mind, my best friend, my family, my dog…me.

I didn’t know most of that was lost, damage or destroyed until I didn’t recognize me anymore.

I literally breathe with intentions. I love the moments that I can smile and laugh. I love me….I love me again.

Finding balance has been beautiful, finding it with my family has been a blessing.

25 Mar

I call this moment 2019. It is actually a separate book. I found my way, my balance, my peace…I found it by letting go of the 20, appreciating the 80.

Guess what…God gave me the 80 back.🙏❤

Page 98 was it…page 98 of Behind Closed Doors by B.A. Paris. That was my life.

25 Mar